Review of The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
I finished this book this morning, sitting in bed with a cup of tea – something I only rarely allow myself to do. Those of you brought up with a classic Protestant work ethic will understand why this is rare. ‘Get up! Don’t be lazy! Seize the day! Justify your existence by achieving something!’ is the mantra of my upbringing. I have a stash of nonfiction, work related books by my bed and generally I dip into them over a period of weeks or months. Not so, this one, I consumed it straight through. It was fascinating, practical and inspiring. I urge anyone who ever convenes any gathering – from a family Sunday dinner to a summit of world leaders, (my sphere of influence is rather more the former), to read this book.
The psychological and cultural insights are enlightening, as Parker investigates ‘what makes a good gathering?’
By reviewing an analysing a huge range gatherings that worked and didn’t, she explains the structure, the process and the magic that can transform a meeting from a dull process into an emotionally charged, meaningful and memorable event.
As a celebrant I lead gatherings for a living, and for me there were many ‘Aha!’ Moments of recognition of some things I do already, and some ‘Ooh’ moments of ‘I want to try that.’ Importantly, I also heard reassurance to go with my gut instincts and not to allow myself to by derailed by a confident individual who wants to override them. She constantly offers ways of making groups more egalitarian, more democratic, where the value and currency isn’t on who you are, what you do, or what you earn, but what actually matters to you as a human being. By finding and sharing our vulnerability, we go deep, we have better conversations.
As well as suggesting ways of making the central purpose flow better and achieve better results,( first define your purpose with precision), she is also excellent at reminding us about the importance of opening and closing a gathering, and how to do that well.
By following her advice I think we could all elevate our gatherings and sprinkle a bit of fairy dust on them. That doesn’t mean that we would terrify our gatherers by asking too much of them, she also advocates clear guidelines, good pre information, clarity of ideas. These all serve to make people feel safe, a good base from which to take a risk. As gatherers we are accorded an authority and we have a responsibility to exert that wisely, courageously, with confidence.
Right, I’m off to organise a gathering now…..