Love in the time of Corona virus (apologies to Gabriel Garcia Marquez)

Funerals are changing on a daily basis at the moment, currently attendees are limited to twenty five in some areas, less than six in others, with the prospect that it will be direct cremation only in the near future. Where does that leave grieving families?

A funeral is such a vital part of the grieving process. It’s part of coming to terms with the finality  that someone we love is no longer present with us in body, that we need to remember and cherish them in our hearts and minds. We gather together to hold hands, hugs, cry and laugh, to bear witness, to share and support each other.

 At the moment I am still taking services, though it remains to be seen how the government rules on funerals.  If the government stops ceremonies and rules on direct cremation or burial only, many, many families will be deprived of the immediate opportunity to celebrate and mark their loved ones passing.

I know from meeting families that the talking and sharing stories is vitally important for those who have been bereaved, and I will continue to offer a listening and writing service for those families. So often at the end of a family meeting I am told by the next of kin  ‘I feel better’ , ‘that was cathartic’, ‘it’s such a relief ‘ – if I can continue to support bereaved families in this way at this horrible and chaotic time I’d very much like to.  Even if the funeral isn’t taking place, I think that having a tribute written that can be shared will bring people together in some way, with music choices that will reflect and celebrate that unique person.  

When this pandemic is past, there will still be a need to gather together to remember loved ones, to celebrate a life and to give thanks.

There can still be a ceremony around ashes that is full and meaningful – whether they are to be scattered or buried – and laws around where to scatter are much freer .

So maybe this is a chance for families to make different ceremonies that are tailored, thoughtful and no time constrained. Ceremonies that take place outdoors, or in village halls, that can allow for participation from others without clock watching or stiff formality. I trained with Green Fuse and we always considered the ceremonial space - how to make it, how to hold it, why it matters.

Humans need creativity, we need ceremony, we need community.

When all this is over let’s continue to make special personal ceremonies together.